Pipedreams, Integrity and Reality – All In Conclusion

Tags

Alice Zero, all in, Just Joshing, podcasts, realism, The Cloud Diver, writing

So I’ve listed my writing goals and podcast goals with Betting on Me Parts 1 and 2 and All In Parts 1 and 2.

So what’s left to talk about? The pipedreams and the big stuff. I really hate the word real. Real is a frustrating word. It doesn’t really mean anything. To quote one of my favorite movies “if real is nothing more than what we can see, smell, touch and test, than real is nothing more than stimulation.” I hate that definition. I mean real has to be more than that right? Otherwise, nothing is real, because senses can be manipulated.

And I never liked the word real when it was told to me in the classroom. I was always told I should set realistic goals and have realistic expectations. I had no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean either. Realistic, and real from what I’ve seen in this life, most people look at those words and see some kind of mediocrity. We need to have realistic jobs, or realistic expectations.

Fuck that.

You need to have some out there stuff. Stuff you shouldn’t necessarily expect to happen, but stuff you’d like to happen and put your name into the hat.

So what are my goals now that I’ve hit the beginning of this wild journey.

1. Get a big 5 book deal –  This one is the big one. It’s not impossible. I have a lot of friends that do have deals. I’d like to be one of them at this point. I have a novel I’ve been writing that I’ve had to put off as a result of the last month. I’m working on it again. I’m going for it. Let’s see if I can make this happen.
2. Redacted – this one has already come true. Stay tuned Thursday.
3. Hit 10000 listeners per week – this one may become more ahem… “realistic” as time goes on. Right now it’s out there.

I have more but that’s the point. There’s a lot of things that are possible. They just need to be asked for. I’m’ asking for them. Heck, one of them has already come true. Another one may happen in a couple of years.

But, there is this “real” part. Some of this is out of my control. All I can control, is my integrity. I’m going to show up and do my thing. What will happen will happen. But I will put myself in the position to succeed.

And that’s my wish for everyone that has read this this year. Thank you very much for your support. I’m going all in and I hope you do too. You’re worth it. Don’t let anyone else’s real, get in the way. Find what makes you find your inner happiness and go for it. You only got one life. Stay true to you and follow where it may lead.

Take chances, don’t fear failure or mistakes, learn and grow and just keep going. You can do it. I know you can.

So there is one last thing I want to announce here. I’m starting a write club. But it’s not going to be like any other write club out there. Write club for those of you that don’t know is a club where writers come together and create. It’s a cool idea, you can talk to awesome people and learn from each other. It’s great in theory. I am however a bit of a wanderer by nature. One spot isn’t exactly what I want to do.

One of the other things that is going with me this year is that a lot of my friends have cleared out. My sister is leaving alberta, and a few other friends are disappearing. I want to meet new people. I want to keep opening doors.

So I will not have a set location. Every Saturday at 6:30 pm, I will be somewhere creating. Most of the time it will be in Calgary somewhere. Thursday I will announce where I’ll be. If people want to come, come. If not, that’s fine. I’m going to be expanding my horizons either way. I can’t control the outcome, but I can put the invitation out there. So this is the Wandering Writing Group. Feel free to join the caravan.

Looking forward to doing this:

The best is yet to come. Stay inspired and Happy New Year.

Betting On…

Tags

going for it, podcasts, the future, writing

So I can honestly say this has been a great year. I fixed my teeth first and foremost, and in the process exorcised quite a few demons out of myself. 

a sexy beast right there

Look at that smile.  Isn’t that awesome? 

Then I just kept writing and podcasting. On the writing front, all seems quiet. You haven’t seen a new book from me this year.  It does look like you will three next year at least, but this year was more about developing new things and continuing what was happening from the year prior.  I did finally do a book launch at Owl’s Nest books that was also a live podcast. I ended up setting myself to do more shows next year.

Sweet and Sultry Summer was a lot of fun for me.  I ended up becoming more acclimated with the Romantic writing communities.  It was a lot of fun and once again I want to thank M. Jane Colette for giving me the opportunity to be a part of something special that she created.  It was a blast to do and I hope I get a shot to do it again this year.

Shortly after this event I got an email that said that I was a finalist for The Grand Prix Aurora awards.  I won.

still can’t believe it.

That’s a hell of a year right there. But all in all I’ve been feeling like there’s been a swell of momentum heading down this direction. I’ve had doors open up, and to my humbling surprise, it seems like this podcast of mine is influencing and inspiring people. 

Now, it’s no secret that I’ve been wanting out of my day job forever. It’s the dream right? One of the things about my day job though is the flexibility it has. My goals are pretty much well known, and I’m given the opportunity to push forward on my dreams. I’d be a fool not to be grateful for that. 

I’m not getting younger. I have my dreams and my goals in front of me still, and it feels like there are things in reach.  Doors have opened, cool things keep happening to me, and at some point you have to ride the momentum.

You have to bet on you.  I have to bet on me. I think I’m onto something here. I’ve said in my social media that you have to go to it. It’s time to go for it. Let’s see what happens when I take things even more seriously.

Success is work. Bottom line.  I have to take my podcast more seriously, and I have to take my writing more seriously.

If anything I’ve learned this year is that if I focused on my writing as much as my podcast, who knows what I can accomplish?  So now is the time and opportunity to create that chance.

I don’t know if reading this, you are stuck on going for it, you need to. At some point, you can’t stay safe.  You have to leap.  And it’s okay to fail.  I know I still have long days ahead on the day job.  Even going part time, there will be moments I’ll have to work more.  I may have a week here or a month there, but it’s going to be less.

My dreams will take precedence more. At the end of the day, you have to decide what you want.  You have to make the decision of who you want to be. We all do what we want to do. So what do you want?

I know what I want.

Next time, we’ll talk the future in detail.

https://www.podomatic.com/embed/html5/podcast/5290939

Ninety Percent of Your Battle

Tags

ninety percent, podcasts, success, The Cloud Diver, writing, youtube

Before we begin the blog, gotta say I’m really proud of two things.  The first is I have a youtube channel now.  Hooray right?  Right as I type this thirty some odd episodes are up there for you to listen to.  My channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBr8pyMELcMcaHLd4qTWyaw

Watch and let me know what you think.

The other thing?  I got to talk to a comic book legend in JM Dematteis.  Been a big fan of his since his Silver Surfer run and have read a lot of his material since.

The episode is here. I also read a bit of The Cloud Diver at the end of episode.

Cool right?  On to the blog.

There is no guaranteed path to success.  I’m not saying that this will insure that you will always achieve your desired outcome.  Success and failure have no assurances.

I have a friend who has this cynical view of dreams coming true.  “You can be anything you want to be,” he says in that sarcastic tone.   There’s a tinge of sadness every time he says this.  A friend of mine I haven’t talked with for a long, long time finished the thought.

“..If you’re good enough.”

It’s a very unspoken part of the sentence.   Not many people say it, but a lot of people believe it.  That’s the problem.

I don’t know about you but that images pisses me off.

But we all feel this way sometimes.  Not good enough for that girl, that job, that career, whatever.  We beat ourselves most of the time when we think like that.  Our minds are powerful.  If we tell ourselves we can’t do something, we can’t do it.  With very few exceptions.

Thing is, can’t do it is in our heads a lot.  One of the most important lessons of my life involved my dad.  At eight years old, he took me to Fanshawe Park.  There we walked along the stream and then, for whatever reason, decided to scale the hill.   I was eight and little and small and looked at this hill with dread.  To be honest, I didn’t want to do it.

Dad scaled the thing with ease, which meant I had to try.  The first time, I fell…well, more like skidded down the hill.  I really didn’t want to climb the thing again.  Dad encouraged me.  I on the other hand, discouraged myself.

“I can’t do it.” I said to myself.  I kept climbing, saying that mantra over and over again.  To my surprise, somehow I found myself on the top of the hill.

This is one of my most important lessons.  Can’t is a concept.  Worth is a concept.  Deserving is also a concept.  Life is inherently unfair and that isn’t exactly a bad thing.

That hill taught me that I can do anything and that confidence carries me into situations sometimes I had no idea what exactly I am doing.  (My career can be described in jumping into situations I had no idea what I was doing, but whatever.)

But there are no guarantees.  Success and failure are possible outcomes.   That said, ninety percent of all your battles are just one thing, and that’s this:  If you want something and you want the best chance to succeed at getting it, show up and take action.

It sounds simple.   In essence that’s what you do when you go to work, that’s what you do when you go on a date, that’s what you do when you choose to do anything.  Show up and do something.  There are no guarantees after that, but really, that’s ninety percent of the work with anything.

Don’t let those negative thoughts beat you.   Just do the above paragraph.  Show up and deal with the task in front of you.  Every task in life is just those two things.   You are big enough, brave enough, smart enough,  and capable of doing anything if you just do those two things.

Show up, and do the work.  And don’t let any voice in your head tell you that you can’t do it.  Don’t sabotage yourself.  Because, why not you?

Finishing

Tags

beginnings, creating art, endings, fear of finishing, The Cloud Diver, writing

Tonight I asked an interesting question on my twitter and facebook.

Do you ever get nervous finishing a story? #amwriting

— Joshua Pantalleresco (@jpantalleresco) February 11, 2017

cool right?

Why ask the question?

I’m at the end of my latest book.  It’s not quite there yet.  In fact, I’m writing this blog because of the quagmire finishing a story can be.

My players are in an elevator.  I know what’s waiting for them on the other side of the door when the elevator dings.  I know the horrors, the monstrosities, and the wonders that await my characters.  I know it’s there.

But I’m hesitant to cross it.

The story is nearly done you see.  I’m at the climax, the big action sequence, and the finale.

After that?  It’s over.

That’s the crux of it isn’t it?

Most of us look at the end of the story with nothing to look forward to.  I mean, once it’s done, it’s done right?  Where do you go from there?

I feel this feeling persists not just in writing, but in everything.  We are great at beginnings.  I get excited personally at the process of the challenge.  It’s like seeing something in the horizon that is amazing.  You have to work at it, (but that’s part of the fun) yet there is a journey and a path to walk.

Oh sure, problems come along.  Which project goes perfect in the end?  Yet you keep going.  Writing, composing, engineering, crafting…you name it, take work and time and care to produce.

And then you get to where I’m at…at the end.

Then what do you do?

Part of the problem too is that I’m good.  Now that might sound arrogant, but as an artist let me ask you something.   How do you know you know something at the craft, if you don’t believe yourself to be good?

The answer is that you know enough to know that there is still room for improvement.  You see your flaws with clarity; there is room for growth and you can see it.  You are at the very least, competent enough to see it.

Artists are never satisfied.  It doesn’t matter who you are, you know there is more.  There is better.  You can do better.

That, my friends is the evil trap.  It’s a seductive trap.  It is the dark side of the farce.  There comes a point when you as an artist settle.  This work you slaved, sweated, and strived at can only be so good with you as you are now.  You have to at some point let the work go and share it to the world.

It could be a publisher, agent, beta reader, or your audience.  But you as a writer in particular, need that exposure to an eye not as close to this work you have struggled with.

Sharing your work with someone in any art form is part of your growth.  You NEED to do this.  Let go.  You have other projects that are calling for your attention.  You only have so much time to do it.

Of course, none of this above is talking about the fear.  Fear is a big part of this fear of moving forward to the end.  It’s not rational.  I know deep down I have more stories to tell.  I’m a writer dang it!  I have ideas and I got at least one more book I want to do this year.   That is my rational brain functioning.

My irrational part of me still wonders.  Is this it?  Is this the last story I’m going to tell?  Who’s going to read it anyway?  Am I pretentious to put the pen to paper and do it?

The end is here.

There’s another way to look at it.   Endings are beginnings too.  When I finish this story and it’s not in my head, and I’m letting my friends and beta readers eviscerate the story and make it something that my audience wants to read.  I got other stories I need to tell.  Doing other projects will help me grow.  Each journey I take is part of my growth as an artist.  It will make me stronger and better at my craft.  It will allow me to triple down on my strengths as a storyteller.  I will look back on my story and see where I can make it better.

But I won’t touch it.  I will finish it and move on.  I have more stories to tell and things to say.  I have to write them dang it.

It’s not just my ending.  It’s a new beginning.  When I think of it like that, it’s easier to put those last words to the page.  Which is now what I’m going to do.

The journey goes on.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I got a story to finish.  I left my characters in the elevator.  I have to see what happens when they open the door.

Don’t be afraid to open yours.

Unicorns that Fart Rainbows

Tags

politics, simple things, The Cloud Diver, unicorns farting rainbows

I want to make this clear.  This wasn’t my idea.

My sister made a request for my next book the Cloud Diver.  She wanted me to insert a unicorn that farts rainbows.  The nature of the universe in The Cloud Diver does allow for me to insert a unicorn that farts rainbows, and any other strange and wonderful thing I choose.  Isn’t that lovely?

But then she had to make it difficult.  I couldn’t kill said unicorn.  In fact, I had to promise.  And if you know me, you know that I hate breaking promises.  If I give my word, I keep it.  That’s the goal and the plan.  In fact – this is the only spoiler I will officially give about Cloud Diver – the unicorn does live, and in fact plays a much bigger role in the Cloud Diver Universe than I previously expected.

Which of course leads to a problem.  I have to find a name for the unicorn.  At the day job I was thinking of names that didn’t fit with the context of the story (s?) I’m working on.  I didn’t think of one that satisfied the characteristics of said unicorn and had a problem.

My solution was facebook.

Now I have to admit to having an evil plot of my own.  You see,  Facebook is a bit of a bi polar experience for me right now.  Most of my friends cannot seem to help themselves about the current president.  I mean, yes, he’s a twitter troll, comes off like a misogynistic whatchamacallit and has some characteristics that are more reminiscent of Pinocchio than any rational thinking and caring human being – at least as far as I can see.  (the last bit, to be fair, is something that he has in common with previous presidents, so I can’t hold that against him too much.) Between that and reading about punching Nazis – a slightly more complicated debate on both sides than either side wants to admit – I felt kind of down.

I’m really tired of listening to politics on my boards.  That said, I can’t blame anyone for feeling like they feel and doing what they do.  That whole freedom of expression thing is important, but I feel as though with times as uncertain as these, levity more than anything else is necessary.

So with In-augeration day approaching, I put my plan into action.

I decided to ask Facebook to name my unicorn.  That was two days ago.  I’m still getting names even today.  It’s dying down now, but i have had over sixty people officially post on the thread making suggestions, and I’ve had about sixty more than that second, defend, and rationalize and approve on choices.

My personal highlight on this is that Robert Sawyer joined in on the fun.  That of all the people that participated was the biggest surprise of all.  Now I have to say here that Roy G. Biv (look it up) is definitely the standard name test to beat.  I’m not sure that’s going to be the final name, but it’s something that I’m going to be looking at.

Without a doubt, so far that thread has been the most fun I’ve had.  There are so many names, puns, dragon ball z or pokemon esque attacks.  The thread on my facebook page is phenomenal.  Even though now I have the unenviable task to choose unicorn names, (and I will) I’ve never seen so many walks of life get involve in something so random.

I had a plan, and my plan was to do something fun. I  didn’t want to be another political rant day on the dawning of a new president.  I wanted to remind people (including myself) that there is good and that people want to have fun.

And for each and every one of you that did so, thank you.

I learned something from this though as well.  If I ever decide to do a contest in regards to the Cloud Diver, I am going to come up with something as fun as this.  I had such a blast I’m going to have to figure it out.

But I also came out of this feeling a sense of hope.  People really just want to not worry about complicated things.  We all feel at this moment that things are moving beyond our control.  The system seems to be going into a talespin, and no one has any answers.  Yet for all that, I can talk to grown up people and at least for a moment make them remember the fun stuff.

Unicorns that fart rainbows.  Ice Cream and baileys.

If all of us can share in the wonder that is the simple things in life, there is hope for us all.  And I want to thank each person who participated in that for reminding me of this.

I can’t promise answers, but I do hope all of us keep to whatever little things we have in life.  It gives me hope that no divide can’t be bridged.