For backstory, read here: https://jpantalleresco.wordpress.com/2018/03/27/what-my-teeth-has-taught-me-about-people/ . Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you get back.
Finish reading? Cool. Let’s begin shall we?
So with the exception of two promises I made prior to this, I’ve followed this pretty close to the letter. One individual I promised to trade journal entries with. The other I know just needs support right now. With everyone else, I’ve maintained this. So I thought I’d talk about what I lost, what I learned and what I gained.
What I lost
So a few people shortly thereafter I did this disappeared. Most of these people were not surprising at all. I’ve gotten too old for the “I’m not good at this” excuse when it comes to connecting with people. So if they haven’t been good at this traditionally, I’ve tended to let them continue that path.
People do what they want to do. This is always the case. If people want you in their life, in no uncertain terms do they disclose this. If they don’t, nothing can make you come in there, unless you drag them down your path kicking and screaming. No one has fun with that and I am far too old to try it.
I look at the journal case in particular and saw me attempting to keep my promise, made me observe things that I didn’t see when I was busy trying to chase them down. When I exchanged the journal, they still didn’t really make an effort to engage, allowing other people to kind of serve the talking part of the communication and interaction. I realized that they really weren’t in the position to engage me. Whether it was anxiety, a lack of desire, it didn’t matter – the result was the same.
People are going to do what they want to do. That is the whole of things. If they want to make an effort they will. As is, the journal was my last promise to them. With one small exception, I haven’t heard from them, and chances are I probably won’t anytime soon. I’m okay with this.
The other thing I’ve learned about this is to be careful of the promises you make. Sometimes they are corrosive, as the people you give them to don’t always appreciate just what kind of commitment to them in terms of time. I kept my word, but that’s as far as I go.
Some of the people that have disappeared have surprised me. Friendships I didn’t expect to fade from this have faded. Some of them have been tempting to try and chase down, but I’ve refused to do so. I can’t control what people want to do for one, and two, I recognize that maybe they have their own reasons. Maybe I’ve been a terrible friend to them. Maybe as I’ve done my own pruning they in turn needed to do their own.
I relearned that some people come into your life for a short time. Others can be there a life time. Friendship that endures is truly a rare thing. We all have our own roads to walk in life. We have different dreams, goals, and paths diverge. All you can do is wish the people that choose to walk away well.
Some do return in unexpected ways too.
What I’ve Gained
The other end of this spectrum is like I’ve turned a key to a door. By being willing to let go of the people that didn’t want to have a connection, I’ve opened the door to all kinds of people. Part of this has been me adapting what I do with the podcast, being open to the kind of people that walk into my life.
I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I’m meeting now have more of a similar mindset to what I do have at this moment in time. Some are more successful, some less, but all are hungry to do amazing things, and are.
When you meet a photographer/manager and find a secret recording studio in the last place you’d ever expect, I mean it’s literally like I stepped into another world. Or a historian who is talking about travelling the world in order to connect with the past. Or when you plan to make a splash at San Diego with a fellow media personality who you made fast friends with at a conference. All of these people are awesome. I’m talking to people who want to change their worlds. And that is so cool.
I’ve found more success too. I’m not saying anyone is in the way exactly, but it’s as though I’ve traded people who don’t want to be there, and opportunities have been finding me in their place.
I’m happier, more motivated, and feel a lot more unstuck. I feel like water, assuming the shape of a different cup than I had before. I’m curious where this is all going.
I’m not the same guy anymore and I”m okay with that. I’ve been enjoying the people I’ve been encountering down this path, and am keeping my doors open.
Some friends come back, and they let you into important moments in their lives, which is awesome. But in any case, new or old friend alike, I wish you well. Life is too short for any real animosity. (He tries to tell himself this with his own flaws.)
I recommend this to people, for a few reasons. You do lose people, but in return you find more people like you at this moment in time. And you’ll be happier for it.
Alright, I’m off to finish a novel in a week and a half. See you guys when I finish.