What I’ve Learned this year.

So this has been an interesting year.

In many ways, it has been my most productive year.  I released the Wandering God, I got two other books in various stages of post production.  One of them a graphic novel long overdue, and another being my first novel.

Actually, I have even one more thing I can show the world next year.  I also have two more books started and will be worked on along with the sequel to the upcoming novel this year.  Oh yes, I’m quite busy.

I expanded my horizons this year.  I did my podcast in front of a live audience for the first time ever.  This year I’m going to do it at least three times.  I have big plans to take my podcast and my message to wider degree of mediums and increase my audience.

Just on this alone, I’ve done a lot.

On a personal level, it has been a parting.  I learned that I didn’t always liked how some friends treated me. I don’t like being furniture or taken for granted.  Certain friendships drifted as well.  I learned this year that sometimes your friends and you have to go your separate ways sometimes.  Not because they are bad or you are bad.  Life and your chosen directions dictate partings sometimes.

Not that it’s bad.  New friendships come into the picture too.  People  heading down your path, whatever it is, and are there on the way.  Enjoy them.  We only have so much time.  It’s easy to take it for granted.

But it also taught me to be careful.  Whether we realize it or not, we always move towards what we want.  If we don’t define that, it controls us.  As they say, careful what you wish, and what you define.

And then, my last front top tooth was destroyed this year.

I realized that I’ve allowed myself to be viewed down, because I let my scars and my pain be a part of my identity.  And this I’ve vowed to change.

I had my first operation with my teeth in October.  I faced my fears, and I faced some of y uncertainties.  I learned that fear is fine, as long as you don’t let it control you.  Fear is a friend, as long as it doesn’t take the lead.  When it does take the lead as it sometimes does, at that moment, you must face it, whatever it is.  Or it will control you until you do.  You will not be free unless you confront the things that control you.

Freedom is hard.

It is super, duper, incredibly hard.  We all say we want to be free, but how many of us really understand what that entails?  It means we have to face our fears, and let go of the things that hold us in place.  Familiarity is a comfortable chain, warm to the touch.  It will make you forget it’s there if you’re not paying attention.  To go forward, you must be willing to toss that familiarity.

For freedom is the real unknown.   There’s no guarantees.  It is the ultimate risk, and it literally takes everything.

But it gives you everything too.

An old teacher crashed my facebook after a shot on my podcast.  It was interesting to watch.  A lot has changed in me, I realized.  I’m not the same man I was then.  That, I think, is a blessing.

I’m harder in some ways.  Gentler in others.  I’m a lot more empathetic now.  I see things I didn’t before, and I realized that I’ve grown.  I’m far from perfect, but I’m happy with the person I am, and where I’m going.

I’ve been blessed to meet many amazing people, and I’m looking forward to meeting many amazing more this year.

So while I’m dealing with my problems and changing my life for the best, I just want to write and say thank you to all of you I met, talked to, influenced and let influence.  You truly were great.

I’ll see you soon.

Happy New Year.  May you find what you are looking for.

Published by jpantalleresco

I write and I wander. I am currently in Canada, tomorrow who is to say? I just released Veritas, my first comic, done with Craig Cermak and Jim Reddington. I currently write columns for http://www.comicbloc.com and http://allpulp.blogspot.com. I have published essays, worked on magazines and movies and am working on my first novel, graphic novels and am planning on committing suicide on my first feature film. I chase my dreams wherever I may go. When I'm not writing I work on a day job and read, play video games and magic and chase girls. Sometimes I even catch them.

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