So this came out.
Sorry I haven’t been quite as promotional about it. It’s been a hectic few months. I’ve known for about five months I was going to be heading for dental surgery. I’ve been working on a number of projects non stop since that time, as I’ve been working towards giving myself some time and self care for a bit.
The Wandering God kind of got a little shafted because of this. I’m going to try and make some amends here and now. Both of these things are intertwined and now I feel like I’m going to write about some things that have been bothering me for the past few months.
I finished the initial book by around March. There was a lot of work to do still – books never are finished in just a draft. There is a lot of care and time that goes into it. It was a pleasure to work with Florence again. Still far and away the most professional person I’ve had the grace to work with so far. The drawings are fantastic and you should look at some of them sometime. They are amazing.
During the work on the Wandering God, my last good front tooth cracked in half. I was at a party and bit into a corn on the cob. I heard a very unnatural crunch and saw that tooth fall into my plate.
It hit me right then and there that I could no longer run and hide. I had to get to work to fix my teeth. I had to take better care of myself.
Taking care of yourself you’d think be easy. Truth is, it’s one of the hardest things to do. Invincible, and indestructible are terms I like to think of myself, but as time goes on, those days are not quite as common as they once were. I have to give myself time. That last fallen tooth made me realize that if I didn’t take care of this now, I would never get to it.
And I know how much of an excuse that is. Being honest, health isn’t the priority when you’re in the middle of writing about lava people or the end of the world as you know it. It’s so easy to be engaged and stay engaged in the myriad of projects that I find myself caught up in. I do a podcast, I got another novel almost ready for publication, and I got a lot of other things on the horizon. It’d be so easy to keep going and keep riding the wave.
But this needed to be done.
But so did the Wandering God.
I made a promise to myself. When the Wandering God was done, and the Cloud Diver (my other work in progress) was ready for publication, I’d get it done. I made my arrangements to see the dentist in August and in the meanwhile I got this stuff done.
My biggest surprise at this was the anger I felt as I walked forward in this decision. Old hurts came back to the surface and a lot of feelings at anger, shame and self loathing came back. I went back to where the teeth were damaged to begin with. I was shocked at all this coming to the surface. In a forthcoming interview for my podcast, one of my guests rightly pointed out that there was still anger from that time and that place. Again, one of those personal surprises. I thought I had forgiven.
Turns out I still have some work to do on that front.
I deserved more from that time than what I got. I’m more sure of that than I ever was back then. That said, things worked out the way they did. That’s how it was meant to go and be. And I have to accept some things.
And let them go.
The Wandering God and this particular point in my life intersected. I realized that what we write as writers often reflect where we are and where we are going. The Wandering God is about faith in the journey itself and where it leads you. All journeys come to an end, and sometimes you find it’s not what you wanted or expected.
But often, it’s what you needed.
And it’s about letting things go.
I’m going to miss writing about Kristen, Will, Nicki and the Watcher in the tower, who dreamed of there being more out there. And he is right. The world is a big and wondrous place, filled with monsters, and strangeness, and terror, and magic. If we look close enough, we see elements of ourselves, and a sense to become more than what we were when this started.
I like to think the Watcher is about that more than anything else. We can always become more. And now, that I’m past the first surgery, I can become more too. From time to time, I’ll probably get caught in the machine of creation still. I’m a creator, and it will happen. That said I will be smart enough from here to take a moment and relax, and enjoy the moment.
I have no more need of battle scars. I’m ready for Greater worlds than these.
Anyway, if you’re interested, you can find the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Wandering-God-Watcher-Joshua-Pantalleresco-ebook/dp/B0759WJ1DD/
Leave a review if you will. If you don’t like it though, don’t tell anyone, alright? 😉