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I got a couple of links and a little bit of news that is going to tie into this blog.  The first is a couple of cool links you should take a look at.  Mirror World has a series of ten rules for writing.  I didn’t exactly follow protocol, but I wrote a lot of cool words about writing that I think everyone should be reading.  Read Part 1 and Part 2 and come back here – after you perhaps buy the Watcher or Stormdancer from their store that is- the blog will still be here.  Promise.

Welcome back.  I bring Mirror World up because as of last night, I’ve started handing chapters into them.  Book three of my series is already bigger than Stormdancer, and not finished, but I feel I can move it forward in bits and pieces.  This one promises to be a monster, and I’m already proud.  I’m dealing with two very important themes, and I’m tying them together with something people don’t talk about much.  It’s going to be cool.

But as I handed in the first chapter specifically, I felt a pang of dread.  That little voice in the back of my mind I talk about in my blog post “Fear” reared it’s ugly head.  Is it good enough?  Will my publisher want it?  Does it suck?  That voice spewed out all kinds of things that many a writer wonder about when the work is presented.

But going one farther step here – beyond the writing realm for a second -don’t we all struggle with the concept of good?  What is good anyway?

I see struggles with good with everyone, including me.  With me, I see my apartment and the shape it’s in and realize that I still have a long way to go.  I don’t have it all together.  I may never have it all together.  A friend of mine I ran into in Kensington of all places, gave me a great quote about together.  “We never have it all together.  We just have to get better.”  And she was right.  A lot of us dwell on  what we don’t have, the things we lack.

Perhaps this is the real origin of fear and self doubt.  We know we don’t have all the answers.  That in spite of our very best efforts, so much of everything is out of our control.  If we’re lucky, or maybe if we work hard, things work out.

Maybe it’s the realistic crap that’s drilled into us at schools.  You need to find a job that’s realistic.  You need to set realistic standards.

I have no idea what realistic is.  Realistic is much like good in this sense, that it’s a concept.  We have an idea of that because we have our own constructs about what is real, but the truth is, we really don’t have a clue.  On a more sinister note, because the implied whisper with realistic is that you’re not good enough for the dreams in your head.

I have this debate with one friend that every single person who doesn’t go for their dreams in their head is programmed not to.  His response is that he was told that he could be anything he wanted to be.  And it’s true, he was.

Provided, you go to the right school and get educated.   Provided you get that piece of paper that says you know you what you are doing.

Provided, you are good enough.

So what does that have to do with me handing in chapter one of book three?    Simple.  Because at some point, if you are serious about making things happen.  If you want to try to go for the dreams and ideals you had when you were in college or high school or whatever, you have to at some point discard the whole good enough question.

Because the great thing about good, is that the word ‘good’ is up for grabs.

The beautiful thing about words like good or real or bad is that they are subjective.  There is no one right answer to it.  That doesn’t mean that any work is perfect.  Quite the contrary.  And Mirror World Publishing may tell me to get bent.  They may say “write prose you lazy bastard,” or just can’t publish it for any reason.  Rejection is a part of this business.  That’s not going to change.

But at some point, I have to go for it.   I take that plunge, knowing full well that yeah, there are things I can still work on, and that there are always improvements that can be made.  I’m quite aware of what I don’t have, and that I still have a long way to go.

It doesn’t matter.  I believe I can do it, one way or the other.  While I don’t know what to say about sales, I can say that these books have opened many wonderful doors for me.  Opportunities have presented themselves in ways I cannot express enough here.  One thing always does lead to another.

All this rumbles in my head when I press send.  I really can’t control what happens next.  I still have to finish the book, even with all I’ve written so far.  That said, I can make it work.  I will make it work.  I’m not going to worry about it or me being good enough.

I just know that I can do this.